Comedian Josh Goguen

Gingrich Gets Fairy Dusted

So, you have a disagreement with Newt Gingrich, so you decide to sprinkle him with glitter? Why?

First, Gingrich is a nobody. Sure he’s got name recognition and people ask him for his opinions, but he wields no power. He may have just thrown his hat into the run for president, but he’s got so much political baggage, he won’t come close. Getting his attention is a pointless act.

Next, if you have a disagreement with someone, this isn’t the way to convince them you’re right. It’s amazing to me that so many politically minded people choose to throw pies, commit vandalism and disrupt functions in order to make a statement. Does it work? No, it just pisses off the people you’re trying to convince. Maybe you’ll get a pat on the back from your fellow nut jobs, but you haven’t helped your cause. If anything, you may have hurt it because your opponents will think “Fuck these people”.

Last, glitter? Really? Way to break stereotypes. I’m surprised you didn’t wag a dildo in his face and make his ears bleed with your pronunciation “s” sounds. You know, there’s a lot of people who don’t have a problem with people being gay, but they just don’t like this kind of thing. THOSE are the people you want on your side. Tone it down a bit and you might be able to get your way.

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Gay? There’s an app for that.

Apple under fire for ‘gay conversion’ app – Telegraph

Can some explain to me why there would be a problem with this?

If you’re gay but would rather be straight, wouldn’t you be glad there’s help out there? It’s not like these people who think they can rehab a man’s wrists are cruising gay clubs with a white van looking to abduct and reprogram these guys.

“But people are born gay. They should learn to accept and embrace it.”

That’s fine, I have no argument with there. What I have a problem with is the person on the nature side of the homosexuality debate is usually the same person who would say you should respect the choice of man who wants his penis removed.

Isn’t there an even stronger argument that a man is born a man? The evidence is in the genitals. Shouldn’t they just learn to accept it?

“Oh, wait…no…because really they’re a woman born into a man’s body so they can’t help…”

So can’t you be born a straight man in a gay man’s body? Shouldn’t there be help for them?

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A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Kick to the Face

On Saturday night, UFC Midleweight champ Anderson Silva delivered a front kick to the face of Vitor Belfort that led to unconsciousness.

Shortly there after, it was disclosed that none other than action star and 7th degree Aikido black belt Steven Seagal was working on that kick with the champ. Very odd.

In an interview, Steven Seagal says he taught the kick to Silva. It’s difficult to believe an accomplished fighter like Silva had never come across a front kick. Hell, you think you’d be able to come up with it on your own at some point. Maybe Steven Seagal helped refine Anderson Silva’s technique a bit, but its still the same front kick I learned 22 years ago, when it was called “Front Kick to the Face”.

What’s more strange than Mr. Seagal’s inventing a basic technique, some fans are wondering what the kick should be named. What’s wrong with “Front Kick to the Face”? It wasn’t a new strike.

Maybe it’s the pro wrestling fans coming over and wanting everyone to have signature moves with it’ own name. Would Shawn Michaels executing a stepping side kick have been as cool if it weren’t called “Sweet Chin Music”? That’s fine for wrestling, but MMA is mixed martial arts. The techniques already have names.

The other explanation might be because this is the first time a fight has been finished with that kick, it can’t be that kick. It MUST be a new thing that deserves it’s own name. This is stupid too.

Still, I’m willing to give Seagal some credit. One of the most beloved legends of MMA, Bas Rutten isn’t as kind.

Bas Rutten: What planet does Seagal live on?

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Is This Really That Mysterious?

Tags:

I stumbled upon one of those stupid sites that basically just lists stuff. A list of lists where lists are temptingly clickable. Usually they’re disappointing. Those 10 amazing photos are really two pretty good ones and eight mediocre photoshops.

This one caught my eye: 10 More Unsolved Mysteries of the World

The whole article is a collection of man made artifacts that defy explanation. Really though, it’s not difficult to explain if you just take a moment.

Take for example number 5 on the list:

“Fossils, as we learned in grade school, appear in rocks that were formed many thousands of years ago. Yet there are a number of fossils that just don’t make geological or historical sense. A fossil of a human hand print for example, was found in limestone estimated to be 110 million years old. What appears to be a fossilized human finger found in the Canadian Arctic also dates back 100 to 110 million years ago. And what appears to be the fossil of a human footprint, possibly wearing a sandal, was found near Delta, Utah in a shale deposit estimated to be 300 million to 600 million years old.”

Okay…So then why is this number 4:

“Humans were not even around 65 million years ago, never mind people who could work metal. So then how does science explain semi-ovoid metallic tubes dug out of 65-million-year-old Cretaceous chalk in France?”

What? Didn’t you just say there’s human fossils that date back 110 million years ago?

How does science explain this?

How about: “We’re wrong about what we think we know.”

Isn’t that a pretty good explanation. Just wondering.

By the way, I’m tinkering here.

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Donut Roll

As the Krispy Kreme Challenge nears, I can’t help but think if there’s other great ways to combine donuts and physical challenges. Immediately, my mind went to Jiu-Jitsu. I call what I am about to lay out: The Donut Roll.

The Donut Roll is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu/Donut eating submission challenge.

Rules:

  1. Each round is 5 minutes with a one minute rest period.
  2. During each rest period, each competitor will consume 1 donut.
  3. The only way to be eliminated is by submission only.
  4. Submission is either a legitimate submission hold (arm bar, choke, etc.) or inability to continue the 5 minute round (this gives knee-on-belly true submission potential).
  5. Should a competitor submit their opponent, they are allowed to sit out the remainder of the round (there will still be a donut consumed during the 1 minute rest period).
  6. Every round will be with a different opponent from the last.
  7. Each donut must be consumed before stepping on the mat.
  8. Failure to finish a donut before the start of the round will be considered a submission.

If you have more rule suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

This thing could be a lot of fun, but the potential mess would probably prevent

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I’m Not a Runner

Over the holidays, I stupidly signed up for the Krispy Kreme Challenge. Just so we’re on the same page, this Challenge consists of a 2 mile run, the consuming of a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts, followed by a run back to the start. STUPID!

My wife got into this kick about doing strange races and she convinced me, my brother and my sister-in-law to join in. I should have started running the next day, but it was the holidays. Then it was something else, then something else. So I now have less than 2 weeks to prepare for 4 miles.

Yesterday was my first run. I kept a good pace. My cardio felt good. My calves were in agony. If it weren’t for the pain, I could have kept running. This morning, I’m walking like a 90 year old man. The ice bath did not help much.

My only hope is that I can get acclimated to running just enough in the next couple weeks that I can get close to the finish. I’m counting on adrenaline and the spirit of competition to push me across the finish line.

Of course, there is the X factor. 12 donuts. Can I eat them? Can I run after doing so? Will I die?

This’ll be fun.

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Ice Bath: Restart

I had to restart the ice bath (or very cold bath) experiment. I was unable to get sufficiently cold enough water last week, so rather than continue doing luke warm baths, I decided to go ahead and start over.

So far, I do notice on the nights I take the frigid dip, I sleep very well.

I’m actually getting much better at it as well. The first bath took quite a while to warm back up from. Since, it hasn’t been that bad. I don’t know if I’m just getting used to the feeling of being cold or if my body’s cranking out heat faster.

Also, if you want to give it a shot, I’d recommend having something do distract you. A podcast, video, book, something. It’s much easier when you aren’t thinking “This is cold. This is cold. This is cold.”

The only downside is I know the whole idea seems crazy and every time I fill up the tub, I question ifI should call a professional.

Also, I recently posted at Cringe Humor. This was originally going to show up here but as I explained before, I’m trying to write more there. Actually, I thought it could be a good bit, but decided it actually works better as written piece.


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1st Day of the “Ice” Bath Experiment.

I recently purchased and read The 4 Hour Body by Timothy Ferriss, author of The 4 Hour Workweek which I also enjoyed. I figured I’d give this a shot because it had huge promises with little effort. Pack on 30+ pounds of muscle in a month with only 4 hours of total work out time? I’ll check it out.

Most of the advice in the book was stuff I’m already doing and has worked for me, so I give it my thumbs up.

Other things sounded possible but not very practical in my average day. Yes, you can live off of 2 hours sleep a day as long as you can take 20 minute naps every 4 hours without missing one. That isn’t happening.

What interested me most were the little tweaks that not only made some sense but actually weren’t that difficult to employ. I figure somethings are worth experimenting with, so why not.

This month I’m trying the ice baths.

Why ice baths?

It was mentioned several times in the book: boost fat loss by forcing your body to produce heat, get better sleep by bathing an hour before bed, it was even mentioned in the testosterone boosting chapter. Aside from that, I’ve heard it can help your body recover from workouts and injuries faster.

If only one of those things is true, then I’ll consider it a success.

To be fair, I’m not dropping big bags of ice into the tub like he describes in the book. I think that may be for more dramatic effect. A tub of cold water should be enough to produce results. In fairness, this adjustment is in the spirit of the book which is all about Minimum Effective Dosing. I would think a tub of 50° water would produce nearly the same effect as a tub of 35° – 40° water.

Last night was my first dip. It wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t pleasurable either. Honestly, the worst part was after I got out. At first it was difficult to even move. About an hour later I was still shivering.

I probably could have fixed it by taking a warm shower, but

Now, I don’t know if my testosterone was boosted or if I burned any more fat. One 20 minute bath isn’t enough to tell, but I did sleep very well. Let’s see if that trend continues.

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NYR: More Writing Clarified

My wife informed me that my last post was either whiney or unfinished. After fighting the urge to smash her computer, I realized she MAY have been right. I was trying to be brief and concise, but clearly I failed.

What I was trying to say is that I feel as though I should be writing more for Cringe Humor and this year I intend to do just that.

I have three locations with which to write.

Twitter/Facebook is for the short thoughts of 140 character variety. They’re both updated the same way, so

Longer items will go to Cringe Humor because I’ve been told not everything I write has to be comedy related.

Anything that is too long for status updates or too short for Cringe Humor will go here.

Also here will be things like my next post: 1st Day of the “Ice” Bath Experiment.

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NYR: More Writing

Sure, here, but also at Cringe Humor.

The guys at Cringe Humor have been more than great to me. I’ve been booked on their shows. They’ve introduced me to some cool people. Perhaps more importantly, they’ve given me a space on their site to write, and while I may contribute, I don’t feel like I’m frequent enough. Every time I visit the site I fully expect to have been removed.

I really want to earn my keep with the guys at Cringe. I constantly feel like I’m a letdown to them and that needs to stop.

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